How to be Fearless
Posted: Sunday, January 15, 2012
by Dan Griffin
http://www.dangriffin.com
I wanted to be fearless. Even as a child I felt like I was experiencing a more than average amount of fear. Whether that was caused by misfiring neurons, spiritual difficulties, or a genetic anomaly I won’t ever be able to say. What I can say is that I hated the fear and I wanted to be rid of it. Take it from me! I felt isolated, especially with men. Why? I was wrongly assuming they did not/could not share my experience.
I was driving in my car through downtown St. Paul many years ago and well into my own recovery from addiction, and I was experiencing an inordinate amount of fear. Anxiety. Panic. Call it what you will — they are all members of the same family. I cannot even remember what it was about. I do remember the insight. Up until that point, it had been so difficult for me to admit that I was feeling afraid. Not because I was not aware that I was feeling fear. No, I was well aware of the fear that would regularly visit me. In fact, for the last several years, I had even become accustomed to talking about that fear with a select group of men and women, privately and usually in the basement of some church. In those groups fear was not only respected, it was expected – even from men! I could admit it to the people in those basements more easily than I could admit it to myself, because I knew they would not make fun of me for having it.
Over the years as an expert in men’s addiction recovery I have heard from men in recovery from all walks of life who — when they are able to be gut-wrenchingly honest — talk about how much of their lives have been spent in fear. Former drug-dealer turned patent attorney. CEO of a national criminal justice organization. Former bodyguard for a smalltime Chicago “businessman.” Priest. Judge. Real estate magnate. Teacher. Psychiatrist. Nurse. Musician. Author. The list goes on, ad infinitum. Most of these men spent an inordinate amount of time focused on trying to show themselves and the rest of the world that they were not afraid. And so we all walked around thinking that none of us were feeling fear — and, in truth, it was killing us and all of our relationships.
Remember those stickers that used to be everywhere, most often on those big trucks that most people need a stepladder to get into: No FEAR! They shouted to anyone driving close enough to them: I AM A REAL MAN! The words in ominous writing meant to further communicate how much we, men, don’t want to — no, shouldn’t — have any fear in our lives. Of course I have come to realize that some of the most fearful men are the ones driving around the big trucks with stickers saying “No FEAR” on them.
If you are like I was and have aspirations of someday being fearless, that day, sadly, will never arrive. But, if you instead wish to simply fear less, well, that is available to you any time. The only catch: you have to be willing to acknowledge that the fear is there and for many men that can feel tantamount to admitting they are not men.
As an expert in men’s addiction recovery today it is easier to see other men’s fear. I have become acutely aware of mine. We’ve developed an amicable relationship. I know fear is there and I respect it, but I don’t let it rule me. Once I drew this line, fear lost its power over me. Cut its power in your life. Join me, get honest about your fear.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I like this quote "Of course I have come to realize that some of the most fearful men are the ones driving around the big trucks with stickers saying “No FEAR" on them."
You are courageous because to do something while being fearful is courage. I have had some anxiety and panic, so I can only imagine what you go through. The good news is that you face it with courage and I am sure this article will help many people
God Bless....
People with a lot of fear usually have had a parent who had a lot of fear. Maybe a mom who kept saying 'be careful of such and such, and don't do that you'll get hurt, etc"...over protective and restrictive.
A fear of death is normal, if one does not have an assurance of an after-life, but those who want to control everything, including God will always have to deal with a certain amount of panic attacks and anxiety. Fear is the opposite of Faith. Facing fear as you have is the answer, because eradicating it completely isn't going to happen. In fact, Scripture Proverbs 9:10 tells us that "the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom...."
Great article.
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